I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
