you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
