Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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