I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
