Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
