I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize