he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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