meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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