So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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