..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
