He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
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I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
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and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment