I've blown a few things in my day
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
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I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
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Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.