Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

we're chasing vodka with high fives

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(714): we're chasing vodka with high fives http://tfl.nu/2m9s

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(352): View more from Florida

i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.

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(352): i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so. http://tfl.nu/yfpa

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(845): View more from New York

I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.

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(845): I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach. http://tfl.nu/7dp2

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(310): View more from California

A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.

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(310): A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am. http://tfl.nu/d1e6

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(732): View more from New Jersey

its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9

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(732): its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9 http://tfl.nu/78ka

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(503): View more from Oregon

After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.

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(503): After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him. http://tfl.nu/iy8v

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(937): View more from Ohio

Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?

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(937): Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding? http://tfl.nu/i14g

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(206): View more from Washington

In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.

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(206): In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me. http://tfl.nu/voq5

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.

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(978): Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY. http://tfl.nu/e9te

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(985): View more from Louisiana

Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.

(1-985): View more from Louisiana

Do I have a choice?

(985): View more from Louisiana

I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.

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(985): Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response. (1-985): Do I have a choice? (985): I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again. http://tfl.nu/kt0k

Replies (13) Good night (2668) Bad night (463)
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(410): View more from Maryland

It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.

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(410): It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions. http://tfl.nu/65l6

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.

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(218): Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off. http://tfl.nu/vd2r

Replies (7) Good night (978) Bad night (423)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.

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(678): I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment. http://tfl.nu/mk4n

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(541): View more from Oregon

How are you feeling?

(1-541): View more from Oregon

Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.

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(541): How are you feeling? (1-541): Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am. http://tfl.nu/yuas

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(601): View more from Mississippi

I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.

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(601): I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status. http://tfl.nu/a1hp

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