so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
