Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
