I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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