my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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