tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.