In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
