K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
