we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
