is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Come share oat with me in your robe
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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