Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
