chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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