Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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