we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
