Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
