yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
