take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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