I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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