I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
