: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize