Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
