The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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