If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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