The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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