Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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