i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
