I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize