Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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