I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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