Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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