Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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