He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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