Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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