What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
