toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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