I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
whose ass print is on the piano?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
