Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
