And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
