I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
