I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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