Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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