if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize