i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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