I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
