worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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