hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
