i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
