Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
