I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
