Umm I'm too high to move.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
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Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
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Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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