you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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