My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
