I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
