i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
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Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
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So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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