so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
