I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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