You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
where am i from again
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
