when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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