I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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