Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
