..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!