I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.