I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
