So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
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His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
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Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.