apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
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You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
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So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.