Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.