i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
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I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
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I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??