I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
